Establishing Rapport

Establishing rapport - having people like us and remember us fondly - is an invaluable skill. Whether you are in a business, a friendship, a relationship, selling, or just want to be more well-liked - rapport building skills can help you reach your goals. I use some of these skills to develop rapid rapport with my business, counseling and coaching clients. Remember that the key to all rapport building is sincerity and bringing a true love of others to your new relationships. With that in mind, lets get started:

• Listen - Listening is the highest of all rapport building skills!! it. Practice "conversational generosity" - don't speak more than 30% of the time (10-20% is optimal).

• Link Interests - People like each because of their similarities. So, whenever possible, notice similar interests and be sure to talk about and expand on them.

• Ask For Advice - The greatest compliment ever paid me was when someone asked me what I thought, and attended to the answer." Asking for advice is perhaps the most sincere compliment you can pay to a person. You also have to humble yourself ever so slightly to ask for advice, and this vulnerability will create a sense of openness and trust between you.

• Compliments & Praise - What we are looking to do is notice praise-worthy things people discuss and mention them to the person. Notice the difference in the next two responses. Your new friend tells you they just won an award for helping children and you say either "that's great!" or "Wow, that's quite an accomplishment!

• Demonstrate Liking & Appreciation - Most people instinctively like people who like them (and vice-versa). Many people like each other, but rarely tell each other.

• Adopt Their Values/Beliefs - As you are listening to the other person speak, notice their values/beliefs, and discuss areas where your values/beliefs sincerely overlap with theirs.


• Enthusiasm - Enthusiastic people seem to brighten up a room with their positive energy, and we want that to rub off on us, we want to be a part of it. When someone is enthusiastic about our thoughts and ideas we immediately feel understood, appreciated and just plain great! No one will ever be offended by you getting excited about their ideas!

• Matching and Mirroring - Matching & mirroring simply means that we match the approximate characteristics of the other person to help create alignment with them.

• Smile & Warmth - The first contact with another person is your face! Make sure that you present as warm, friendly and happy. A smile and a sincere desire for friendship will resonate in your voice and be demonstrated in your every action. Smiling and warmth make others feel good around you - this is a lost skill - use it and you will shine.

• Attending Skills - This simply means that you attend to the needs of the people you are with. It follows the lines of simple good manners, i.e., holding the door for someone, offering them a drink or a chair, buying them lunch, shaking their hand right away when you see them. Almost any small courtesy or act of kindness falls in this category. These simple acts say without words that the other person is like, respected and appreciated. And an action is worth what? That's right! A thousand words!